Kim Ades: Master Coach on Emotional Resilience, Journal-Based Coaching, and the Story You Tell Is the Story You Live | Be Yourself Podcast
Be Yourself Podcast

KimAdes

Master coach and owner of Frame of Mind Coaching with over 20 years of experience — on her journal-based coaching method, why the story you tell is the story you live, how unconscious beliefs quietly drive every outcome in your life, and what emotional resilience really looks like in high achievers

52 minutes
Coaching · Emotional Resilience · Journaling · Mindset · Self-Reflection
Watch on YouTube Kim's Website

About This Episode

What Does a Master Coach With 20 Years of Experience Know About the Stories We Tell Ourselves?

Kim Ades did not set out to build one of the most distinctive coaching practices in the world. She built it by paying attention to a pattern no one else was naming clearly enough: the story you tell yourself about your life is not a neutral description of reality — it is the actual mechanism that produces your results. Change the story, and everything downstream begins to change too. That is the foundation of Frame of Mind Coaching, the company she has built and led for over two decades.

What makes Kim unusual is her method. Most coaches work through conversation. Kim works through journaling — asking clients to write every day and then reading what they write with the trained eye of someone who knows what unconscious beliefs look like when they surface on paper. The journal becomes a diagnostic tool, a mirror, and eventually a place where transformation happens in real time, not between sessions.

This conversation stood out even by the standards of the Be Yourself Podcast. Serhiy noted it is rare for him to feel truly heard during his own interviews — but Kim's ability to ask precise questions and listen without filling the silence made this one different. They explored her life, her method, the emotional patterns of high achievers, and what it actually takes to help someone change the frame they use to see themselves and the world.

01
Journal-based coaching — why writing reveals what conversation misses
Kim's signature method uses daily journaling not as a wellness habit but as a diagnostic instrument. What clients write — and how they write it — surfaces beliefs that never come up in spoken sessions. The journal does not lie the way the face and voice can.
02
The story you tell is the story you live — how your narrative becomes your reality
People do not experience the world directly — they experience their interpretation of it. The story you construct around events determines your emotional response, your decisions, and ultimately your outcomes. Coaching at the level of story changes everything below it.
03
Why people externalize their problems — and what it costs them
Most people perceive their challenges as something happening outside them — the economy, other people, bad timing. As long as the problem is out there, the solution has to come from out there too. That makes them permanently dependent on circumstances they can't control.
04
Emotional resilience in high achievers — what they have that most people don't
Successful people are not luckier or smarter in most cases. They have a different relationship with setbacks. Emotional resilience — the ability to process difficulty without being defined by it — is the real differentiator. And it can be built deliberately, not just inherited.
05
Unconscious beliefs — the invisible code running your life
Most of what drives human behavior lives below the level of conscious thought. Beliefs formed in childhood or during formative experiences run like background software — shaping perceptions, choices, and results without the person ever noticing. The first job of real coaching is to make these visible.
06
What makes a great coach — listening, trust, and understanding the person you're coaching
Kim breaks down the qualities she looks for when hiring coaches, why listening is a skill most people wildly underestimate, and how the ability to make someone feel truly understood in the first conversation is the foundation every coaching relationship stands on.

About the Guest

Kim Ades — Master Coach, Owner of Frame of Mind Coaching, and the Woman Who Reads Your Journal to Change Your Life

Kim Ades is a master coach with over 20 years of experience working with high-achievers, executives, entrepreneurs, and athletes. She is the founder and owner of Frame of Mind Coaching — a practice built on a method that is genuinely unlike anything else in the coaching industry. Instead of relying on weekly conversations alone, Kim asks her clients to journal every single day. She then reads what they write, responds to it, and uses the patterns she observes to identify the unconscious beliefs quietly driving every decision, reaction, and result in their lives.

Her core insight — that the story you tell is the story you live — is not a metaphor. It is a description of a mechanism. The internal narrative a person holds about themselves, their circumstances, and what is possible for them determines how they perceive events, how they respond, and what outcomes they produce. Coaching at the level of that narrative, Kim argues, is the only kind of coaching that creates durable change rather than short-term motivation.

Kim has coached thousands of people and trained coaches around the world in her method. She is known for her ability to ask the kind of questions that cut directly to what matters — and for the rare capacity to make people feel genuinely heard in a way that opens them rather than defends them. This episode was one of the few where the host himself found the dynamic reversed: Kim's coaching instincts were so strong that Serhiy found himself on the receiving end of exactly the kind of conversation her clients experience.

Who She Is
Master coach and owner of Frame of Mind Coaching with over 20 years of experience. Works with high-achievers, executives, and entrepreneurs — helping them identify and rewrite the unconscious beliefs that are quietly running their results.
The Journal Method
Kim's signature approach asks clients to journal every day. She reads and responds to what they write, using the patterns that emerge to surface unconscious beliefs that never come up in spoken conversations. The journal becomes the primary coaching tool.
The Core Idea
The story you tell is the story you live. Your internal narrative is not a passive description of reality — it is an active generator of your emotional state, your decisions, and your outcomes. Change the frame, and everything else follows.
Her Philosophy on Coaching
Great coaching is not about giving advice. It is about understanding the person deeply enough to ask the question that shifts something. The most important skill a coach can have is the ability to truly listen — and to make someone feel heard in a way that creates safety for real honesty.

Key Quotes

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the version that you tell is the version you live and that will profoundly impact how you experience everything

Kim Ades
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who hires us usually people who say I'm ready for change I'm ready to take this journey with you I want an extraordinary coach I don't want an average experience I want an excellent experience

Kim Ades
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people who are very successful have a very high degree of emotional resilience they fall but they get up faster and then they do something to leverage the negative experience the adversity they turn it into an advantage of sorts

Kim Ades

Episode Chapters

0:00 Intro 2:00 Kim's Twitter Pitch 2:25 Journal-Based Coaching Method 4:44 The Story You Tell Is the Story You Live 7:30 Self-Reflection Through Writing 8:33 Do You Handpick Your Customers? 10:25 People Perceive Challenges as Outside Circumstances 13:53 Choice of Perception and Choice of Action 15:30 Unconscious Beliefs 18:15 Successful People Have Emotional Resilience 19:20 The Power of Rejection in Dating 23:13 Transformational Moment in Kim's Life 28:00 Journaling Is Drawn from Real Experience 30:30 How Many People Should We Be Vulnerable With? 34:45 Understanding the Person You're Coaching 36:10 How Do You Become a Better Listener? 37:15 Kim's Coaching Master Class with Sergey 42:41 How Do You Make People Trust You? 43:40 The Most Important Thing for a Coach 45:15 How Kim Hires Coaches 46:15 Is Coaching an Art or a Science? 47:15 Are People Annoyed by the Coaching Industry? 50:30 Last Message from Kim

Full Transcript

BTW: This episode of the Be Yourself Podcast is produced by Beverly Media. Want a podcast that looks and sounds this good? Check out Beverly Production →
0:00 Intro
Kim who hires us usually people who say I'm ready for change I'm ready to take this journey with you I want an extraordinary coach I don't want an average experience I want an excellent experience was there a transformational moment in your life when you had to change something was like my first real love my first real experience in the dating world and suddenly at 35 years old I found myself a single single mom how do you become a better listener um and how do you ask great questions yeah I I think being a listener is about seeking to understand instead of seeking to be understood but let me ask you a question when you approach women how often do you get rejected all the time like 70% of the time
Serhiy hello everybody this this is beer self and Sergey uh the podcast on expressing our true selves today my guest is Kim Addis she is a president and a founder of the frame of mind coaching she's a coach herself she helps coaches to deliver transformational experience using this journal-based coaching method Kim hello how are you
Kim I'm great thank you so much I've been looking forward to this for a long time
Serhiy oh really um it's my pleasure thank you uh you know I've been looking forward to this as well we tried to do this earlier this year but uh we didn't find the spot and now finally we can talk so Kim uh right after the bat maybe you can give a Twitter bio short introduction of yourself maybe more like elevator pig that you give something of this kind a Twitter bio uh basically my name is Kim
2:00 Kim's Twitter Pitch
Kim Addis I live in Toronto Canada and a I run a an Executive coaching company called frame of mind coaching and we coach leaders Executives entrepreneurs and what we call the highly driven population and I've been doing that for 20 years I have years yeah I have a team of coaches in Canada and the US and there you go Twitter pitch
Serhiy wow so you do have a team of coaches and it's interesting I I learned that you follow
2:25 Journal-Based Coaching Method
Serhiy some uh journal-based coaching method can you elaborate on that a little bit
Kim I I don't follow I created
Serhiy you created
Kim oh my God yes I created a journal-based coaching so um as I said I've been coaching for 20 years and when I first began my coaching journey I was very interested in how we get inside of our clients heads how we really take a closer look at how they think how they operate how they behave in different circumstances how they build their relationships how they react and respond to things what are their priorities their beliefs their values like how do we learn our clients how do we learn about them if we don't know them well it's very hard to coach them and so from the very beginning I thought it would be interesting for us for me to be able to read their journals their private journals and so how do I coach my clients is that we have a call every week and in between every call I ask them to journal in a private and secure online journaling platform that we created
Serhiy wow
Kim and what happens is that at the beginning of the week we give them a journaling question or a journaling prompt and they start journaling and every time they journal every single day the coach let's say it's me I read and respond to their journal every single day and what I'm doing is I'm asking them questions I'm getting to know them more and deeper and really trying to understand how they see the world and how they operate in the world because how they see the world will impact what they do and how they do it and then ultimately the results they get so if they're not happy with the results they get we need to understand how they think and how their thinking impacts the outcomes they are experiencing in their lives so that's the way we coach and that's the way we teach coaching so we never coach without a journal we never coach without knowing our clients deeply and intimately and the process is extremely extremely effective and like super high impact
Serhiy a few thoughts first of all this seems to be like pretty
4:44 The Story you Tell is The Story you Live
Serhiy intimate process like as if myself were sharing the data and maybe like journaling is something that you do for yourself right and historically historically so how do you especially minding that you work with sea level people how do you make them open up like that almost reflect on their life knowing that someone's watching
Kim uh well I ask questions and so what I mean the questions enable the conversation to happen enable them to you know when I ask you a question it makes you think it makes you take a look at yourself it makes you tell the story of your life and what I'm really interested in is what is your version of the story you are telling about your life because the version that you tell is the version you live and that will profoundly impact how you experience everything so I'm not I'm looking for their perspectives on everything whether it's real or not is secondary it's real to them
Serhiy quick one guys if you can help me to grow this channel by hitting the Subscribe button I would be really really really really thankful I want to grow this channel to become International podcast where I invite not only Ukrainian guests but guests from all around the world so you can benefit and in this way we all become better as human beings thank you very much for supporting me and enjoy the show further so you you help them sometimes maybe fix the perception of the reality not
Kim sometimes always uh uh what we do is we help them think in ways that are aligned with their goals and their desires because what we find is that a lot of times people think in ways that clash with what they want that take them away from their goals they don't know they're doing that it's unconscious and when we find this inconsistency this this um you know this opposition position you could say we say look here's what you want but here's how you're thinking about it they don't go together we have a problem that we need to address you have a set of beliefs you have a set of perspectives that make it very very difficult for you to live the life you want to live and achieve the goals you want to achieve and have the relationships you want to have so your thinking doesn't match with your goals and when that happens we need to change one of two things your thinking or your goals choose
7:30 Self-Reflection Through Writing
Serhiy one it's almost if I were your client I would pay you to help me to reflect on my life such there's so many benefits to self-reflection but yet not a lot of people like to write for example right I know for myself that writing is a very powerful tool because you kind of put out all your thoughts there then you you read it and then makes you reflect on your life once you read what you just wrote right
Kim well it you're right but it's it I just want to go back you say people don't like to write but people are writing all the time people are writing emails people are writing texts people are writing all the time and so it's the same concept so when people tell me I don't like to write I say to them you when you were little you learned to write it's something that's inherent like it's just part of our DNA is to write and you're writing all the time so don't make this a big issue don't make this a big problem just continue the process
Serhiy I read on your side
8:33 Do You HandPick Your Customers?
Serhiy that you help H potential leaders so leaders who got high potentials you it seems like you handpick your customers is there a process where you actually
Kim in in a way they handpick us right so we provide a very unusual service because it's so intense right like saw 10 weeks program right yeah it's 10 weeks to begin with but in those 10 weeks you're in contact with your coach every single day that's right so so who picks us the people who really want to to um experience change the people who really want to go on a journey where they learn about themselves and how how they show up in life and how that way sometimes creates problems for them so who who hires us the people who want a very like a high touch experience people who want um a coach that is in the boat with them rowing right every single day every single minute so it's a very very high impact high intensity High um I I don't know how else to use the words but right it the it's a very intimate experience and so who hires us usually people who say I'm ready for change I'm ready to take this journey with you I want an extraordinary coach I don't want an average experience I want an excellent experience and so so people find us because of the service we provide because of the the intensity because of the frequency of contact because of the attention and uh and presence that we have with our clients right like we're not we don't just talk
10:25 People Perceive Challenges as Outside Circumstances
Kim to them once a week or once every two weeks we're there with with them every single day even on the weekends
Serhiy I I have an assumption that your customers already reached sort of a ceiling in terms of their not not in terms of but maybe in terms of the hierarchy so the only enemy they have is themselves it's like like it's not like they have so many circumstances that tie them up to you know to particular thing that so uh when they say to you we're ready for change it means that no outside noise or no circumstances actually stand in the way of the change B themselves is that fair to say
Kim um well so so yes they are highly highly driven and and high Achievers and yes have they reached a ceiling no they hav reached they have a lot of people above them because when not always not always but do they feel a high level of stress due to outside circumstances yes yes do they feel a high sense of responsibility with people who depend on them and with their own performance yes do they feel um a sense of dissatisfaction with where they're at all the time all the time they always feel like they are never where they should be they feel like they haven't achieved all they need to achieve they feel like they they have not maximized their potential in life they feel like there's a lot more and they're only scratching the surface they feel like there's a lot of sometimes friction between themselves and other people and so you know that all of that often is perceived by them as outside circumstances so is it true that it's outside circumstances no but that's how they feel that's what they bring to the experience they might say I'm in a business with my you know family members and it's very stressful and tense and that's that's the problem it's them right they might say you know like covid really hit our business it really affected things and we still haven't come back from it and that's very stressful and that's an outside circumstance they might say you know what I'm doing well in business but my child is really struggling that's an outside circumstance right so you know they perceive their challenges to be very much outside circumstances
Serhiy but but my thought here is that like it's you can't change how you think and how you internalize what's going on in your life you can't I mean you can do this within a few weeks let's say right but if you have a boss you can stand or I don't know you have problems in your personal life that sort of uh impacts how you perform at work I'm not sure like you know with even if I had someone asking me good questions that would help me to look different at the issue but I can't control other people who influence how the course of my life right so I'm just
Kim you're you're right you can you can't you can't control other people but but you have a high level of control over how you interact with other people and how your interaction impacts how you feel about things so you have many many
13:53 Choice of Perception and Choice of Action
Kim choices most people don't exercise all of their choices most people feel stuck and trapped and they don't realize that they have choices one is the choice of perception of how we interpret what's going on the other is the choice of action how we handle what's going on and how we handle what's going on is very much dependent on how we perceive what's going on and so what we do is we help people really think clearly about what they want and then make decisions about their interactions or their action
Serhiy that's interesting that you said this like there is distance between how you perceive it and and what you actually do right it do they always coincide or there there might be a friction like you realize something but yet there something happened and you actually didn't do something that you were supposed to do that you intended to do you know what I'm asking uh do people often not do what they intend to do
Kim all the time if I realize what I want but I did do this because of X number of things right yes so so there are layers right so like for example let's just take something simple okay let's take something like weight loss okay okay so let's say I realize I need to lose weight so I have Consciousness about it and I also know that these are the things I need to do in order to lose weight okay so there are things we need to do for example perhaps eat less sugar eat you know stop eating Donuts Etc right like we're there
15:30 Unconcious Beliefs
Kim are things we need to do in order to affect our weight and we're conscious and we're aware of them but we're still not doing them right we see that all the time yeah why do people struggle because they have a set of unconscious beliefs that get in the way
Serhiy oh so you need to dig deep to get to these unconscious beliefs oh that's tough tough job
Kim so that is my job it's to understand how people see the world even at an unconscious level and how that impacts what they do and what they don't do even though consciously they wish they would do something different you know like how many times how many times do you see let's say a man who says oh I wish I had the courage to go talk to that woman yeah you know she's really attractive I'm really interested in her but they don't take the action because something stops them
Serhiy you say that you even been held with fears of this kind
Kim of course all of them what is it that's stopping you from living the life you want to live that's the question
Serhiy and the I think what's really awesome about the safe space that you give uh in this closed platform is that these answers could be really frightening even to sound up you know because you don't want to acknowledge that you're a coward that you think that other men are better than me right so but it seems like this realizing this is is already a part of the solution
Kim well look when you when you when you realize that that's how you think and you also learn that your thinking is is invented by you is created by you what you also learn is you can create a different line of thinking that that is in your control that is in your power and that often the thoughts we have are fictitious we invent them we create them and they're repetitive they always and they're repetitive me hate it right and and we have these thoughts uh a lot of times we have these thoughts because we believe unconsciously that they protect us that they're safer right survival mode right exactly so it's safer for me not to talk to that attractive girl because what if I get rejected and then I'll be hurt and that would that would be hard for me to deal with so instead I will stay away so it's a modality of self- protection right so that's a piece of it too how do we how do we equip someone to handle difficult experiences and in fact that's what we have learned is that people who are very very high performers
18:15 Successful People Have Emotional Resilience
Kim people who are very successful have a very high degree of emotional resilience what does that mean mean it means that they are able to handle adversity with greater strength than others and more specifically when they experience a difficult time some form of adversity they experience the blow we all do right they fall but they get up faster and then they do something sh guilt all this great feeling they they get up faster and they do something to leverage the negative experience the adversity they turn it into an advantage of sorts how do they do that they say okay not only what did I learn here but how do I how do I take this and turn it into something that I can use in the future how do I apply it how do I learn from it how do I stick it under my arm and and take it
19:20 The Power of Rejection in Dating
Serhiy with me not in a negative sense in a positive sense just to rub up this this little little subject of hitting on women I'm I'm uh I don't have a mate I'm single right now and I don't I haven't ever had problems approaching ladies but so many men around me especially now when they see me doing this or they hear me telling about doing this they always get so interested in asking me how do you do that and I always say well because if she rejects me it's totally fine it's totally fine but now I understand that that's me saying this to me and I don't explain them how do I actually what what is the inside talk that I have with myself and inside talk is this like if if I get rejected by uh so many like I don't know five girls it just it's just GNA make me stronger it I will every single NE every next girl I won't feel as offended right so I kind of build resilience against rejection and this is really good not only in your love life but but also in business because you get rejected by leads by like by by investors by job Seekers I get rejected all the time Kim this this thing being able to to be totally fine with rejection is so so powerful for me for me that I took the lesson from personal life to professional now know
Kim so so let's explore this a little bit because it's interesting right so the conversation you have with yourself is it's totally fine if I experience rejection right
Serhiy yeah it it still hurts but I remind myself that that it it hurts but it doesn't good for me I even make it like a good thing it's like a good thing
Kim so let me ask you a question when you approach women how often do you get rejected
Serhiy all the time like 70% of the time okay so we have a 30% success rate correct yeah yeah not bad
Kim now let me ask you a question let me ask you a question the 30% success rate there's nobody in this group that's interesting to you that you stuck with all you need is one right
Serhiy yeah it's it's a harder question that's maybe yeah well that's the that's the interesting question yeah is what is preventing you from finding the one or from connecting with the one or if you have a 30% success rate why are you rejecting those 30%
Kim because as all men I'm visually attracted to uh girls and often and right now I'm I'm actually at this point where I I kind of get um disappointed with the other stuff outside the look so therefore if if I'm able to get a number phone number from the girl who's appealing to me in terms of how she looks it doesn't transform into you know me liking her intellectually and emotionally and stuff like that
Serhiy your strategy needs an adjustment
Kim oh that was coaching Kim you just coached me right probably I don't need to go to bars and and clubs to meet girls maybe I need to go maybe maybe maybe you need a different approach yeah yeah thank you may maybe no I I didn't you know we weren't supposed to be talking about dating but we got there right yeah yeah but let's shift gears my Shi cares Kim uh one of
23:13 Transformational Moment in Kim's Life
Serhiy the signature questions I have on my podcast it's called be yourself uh and I'm always mesmerized by people who seemingly found what they really truly love in life you know Simon synic says that when you use the word word love it actually gives so much meaning and I think that you love your your job is it safe to say
Kim I love my job I love my job I love my clients I love what I do
Serhiy amazing so you're a Happ per person and I always interested to to know was there ever a friction like moment in your life a transformational moment because you like you use transformational in your in your pitch was there a transformational moment in your life when you had to change something uh and maybe it was a really Brave decision on your part something that changed this whole trajectory of your life so you find what you really love like doing in life because you w't coach all all I mean
Kim okay so so for me I got married very very young in life I got married at 20 and I was married for 15 years and I had two children and my marriage did not survive and uh it was very very very hard cuz not only did our marriage not survive we were working together we were in business together so my my whole entire life like think about it at 20 years old how many people did you date before that not that many people and so it was like my first real love my first real experience in the dating world and suddenly um you know at 35 years old I find I found myself s a single single mom and uh because there was so much tension at work I ended up selling my side of the business wow and so like my life became completely changed completely changed and I had to make sense of it and I had to do something with it I had to you know work again I had to handle being a mom with two kids I had to you know figure out dating because I never really dated before and suddenly like now I'm back out there you know online apps and all this crazy stuff right so it was a whole entirely new world and one of the things that I did at the time because I I felt very bad that my marriage fell apart and that there was so much tension with my ex-husband and all that stuff it's hard divorce isn't easy so I used to journal every single day and the reason I journaled was because I just wanted to be able to handle it with some degree of Grace and honestly I didn't always succeed right some days I just you know the ugly stuff comes out of you uh but my journal helped me recalibrate and help me recover faster and help me point me in the right direction and help me manage my emotions and it was just like I was a journaler ever since I I was a kid but I you know you kind of go through waves where you journal and then you don't and now I was journaling all the time because I was I desperately needed to release all of the intensity of my emotions wow and so that was the negative experience and uh after I sold my part of the business I got recruited I was recruited by a coaching company here in Toronto like within a few weeks and interesting so you decided to become a coach no I didn't become a coach they hired me as their VP of salale uh of um of marketing VP of marketing okay okay so I I went and I worked there for maybe eight months and the reason that I only lasted for eight months is because I'm an entrepreneur it's very hard for an entrepreneur to work work for others tell me about it but also because I got a chance to observe how they coach and I felt like they were doing it wrong like I felt like you know what they're missing very important features here of that that are critical to coaching and so I said I think I could do a better job and you know we agreed to part ways which was fine and I started my own business and from the very very beginning I said wouldn't it be interesting if I could read their journals so you understand what I mean
28:00 Journaling is Drawn from Real Experience
Serhiy by taking an adversity and using it to your benefit yeah and it's all drawn from your own experience
Kim it's drawn from my own experience exactly so now here I am it's 20 years later and journaling is absolutely uh like the centerpiece of everything we do we teach it to others we um have a software that we license out and it's just the it's the it's the component the critical component that allows us to really get to know our clients at the level and depth that we do so that was the moment that was the experience it was like it was a really tough time it was a long time ago but you know and I'm remarried and you know I married someone with three kids and so we raised five children together and all these years later like life is completely different than it was then wow but you're in a good great place now I'm in a good place
Serhiy awesome um Executive coaching for Leaders with human challenges yes you emphasize human it seems like you you don't want robotic leaders you know who just who don't give credit to the human component at you know it doesn't I I think that all leaders have human challenges right all leaders have human challenges but do you do you often get customers who are who have problems expressing their vulnerability and their emotions you know these tough guys
Kim no you know what the truth is no like I I don't because they find you you see this is the filter they find me not only not only they find me that's not it but I I ask questions that allow people people to get there with me does that make sense so I what I want to know is I want to understand what happened when you tell me what happened there's no emotion involved but when you tell me what happened I'm able to find the emotion in what happened so the process even for people who have a hard time expressing their emotions because of the system the process the approach I use enables people to get with me fairly easily it's
30:30 How Many People Should We Be Vulnerable With?
Serhiy not a shock to the system is it enough to be vulnerable with one coach only to fully change your life isn't this necessary to learn how to be vulnerable all across the board because I read this interesting um article on medium recently that you know the brine Brown her famous speech on vulnerability at Ted I think it's the second most watched and uh this article was covering the topic of fake vulnerability that it's a thing now like we we want people to perceive us as vulnerable but in fact we actually give away stuff that we're all pretty much SEC you know feel okay revealing so my question is and it's really interesting for me too like how often do we need to show that we don't know something we are wrong admit it or is it enough to have one therapist one coach who you who you vulnerable with you know and not be vulnerable all across the board
Kim yeah I don't I don't I don't think it's about I don't think your life is about you know finding that person that coach that that therapist to be vulnerable with and and that's what it's about you're you know that supports that supports your life right like that's a support to your life but that's not your life your coach isn't your life your therapist isn't your life you know the these two people are aside from your life right they don't they don't live in your home they don't they're not your neighbors they don't work with you they're not in your life so it's not about the idea isn't about finding one person you can be vulnerable with it's about living your life in a way where you're comfortable in your skin where you're as you say be s where you are able to be yourself where you are in relationships where you feel good about being yourself and where you're thriving and so if that's the case great if not we need to look at what's preventing you from living your ideal life and being yourself and living in a way where you're thriving and sometimes not always sometimes what that means is maybe you're putting up walls and you're not letting people in maybe it would benefit you from letting people in but maybe there are other things getting in the way it could be you know that people are very concerned with how other people see them it could be that right it could be that they're very very performance oriented and so you know they they they become aggressive even when their performance is at risk maybe they're very competitive we don't know we don't know what could be getting in the way of their ability to live the life they want to live and so vulnerability may play a small role for some people
Serhiy yeah maybe this is coming from my personal experience and I kind of extended it to to all all the people not all the people are okay you know saying sorry apologizing I I I I just that I wanted this to become something that I'm preaching you know and wanted at some point all all throughout 2023 I was trying to become a coach myself ah yes and this was part I was really into Simon cynic and all the stuff that he's talking he's a really really emotional fell and I mean I was trying to teach people that it's okay to say these these vulnerable things but but in fact maybe people judge it different and uh what's good for me not only that yeah but not only that it's sometimes it's appropriate it's not always appropriate sometimes it's you know healing and soothing and creates connection but not always right so it's a bit out of context is what I'm trying to say that's not the answer to every
34:45 Understanding the Person You're Coaching
Kim problem in life yeah right so what we need to do is understand the person we're coaching and understand how their beliefs influence what they do and what they don't do and the outcomes they get and so the answer isn't always you need to be more vulnerable it's not always that that's not always the problem and keep in mind you know we're always coaching the person not the problem itself and we so therefore my objection in the world is that many coaches try to coach a person without knowing them well they make assumptions they say oh well here's the problem then they put them in some group of people like this person is that or this they label the people right right they label the person they exactly they put them in a box they say oh I see the signals you must be like this right and so but but that's that's not really what I'm trying to say what I'm trying to say is every person has a life journey and in that Journey they have experiences they have influences they have positive moments they have negative moments and what we need to do is learn about their story and how their story influences who they are now are you a patient person would you call Self patient
36:10 How do You Become a Better Listener
Serhiy sometimes sometimes I'm not sometimes I am it depends on the situation how do you become a better listener and how do you learn how to ask great questions this is something that's really relevant for me doing podcasts as well
Kim how do you become a better listener um and how do you ask great questions yeah I I think being a listener is about seeking to understand instead of seeking to be understood seeking to understand okay okay so seeking to understand so when I try to understand you I spend the time asking questions that help me understand you oh right so they go hand in and when you're seeking to understand you're engaged and you're interested and you're trying to trying to capture a person yeah so questions open-ended questions like tell me more just just dig deeper and deeper not not always tell me more it could be like H okay so I'll come back to you in your dating life right oh my God okay right so I'm interested in that you you brought it up I'm interested in that I'm interested in
37:15 Kim's Coaching Master Class with Sergey
Kim like so how do you approach women what's your approach what's your what's your do you have an opening line do you have a way do you have a system so like I'm just curious and I and that's not necessarily an open-ended question it's a very specific question yeah and the the purpose of that question is to understand how you operate
Serhiy do you want me to respond if you like I would be happy for you to respond you see this is the the topic that's been Evergreen in my life I always wanted to be unique in everything in how I study and how I run business and how I close deals and dating life as well I don't want I hate when people see me as others so let's put this out of the way and um that's not out of the way that's really really super important right yeah you just told me you just told me um a pattern of yours yeah right you just shared that with me yeah I just shared it with me I know this about myself this probably a good thing so I kind of so this is interesting for us to keep keep track of yeah yeah continue that's why I've always started doing something that was against the going against the grain seemed impossible you know started a business with Americans from Ukraine um like started then doing business with China so so all these things were there were odds were stacked against me I love this thing you know and with ladies I don't want to I hate it when some guy sends me the video with hey check out this guy he teaches you how to how to open up the conversation with a lady I'm always when I someone sends me a video like that I'm like I'm disgusted by that because it kind of challenges my uniqueness you know I don't even watched this thing uh and it even offends me that they think that I need something like that this is this is freaking interesting this is the first time I articulated this really um ever in all any languages so I hate even the better thought that I should learn from someone how to do something maybe there's a problem that I with my yeah self-confidence but anyhow I feel like I know better and with ladies I always try to improvise always never have the same line but I really love to meet the eyes and smile and see how she responds and this is probably my secret um just be you got to have a really a relaxed body language uh just and sometimes not just she walks and I walk uh I level up with her and I just turn my my my head and I'm looking at her and I see see the reaction and I go from there maybe that's why so-called conversion rate is pretty high because I always uh first see her reaction her eyes
Kim yeah what interesting to me is you're calling it a conversion rate
Serhiy oh my God right it's a conversion rate you perceive yeah so we got call it something right
Kim well what you want to call it is I want to find the person I want to spend my life with yeah that's what you want to call it that's very different from a conversion rate okay yeah right
Serhiy I'm getting there I'm getting there to you actually formulating this like this that I wna but this this was the example how you ask great questions we're not going to any deeper it's good it's great right
Kim so I learned something about you that I wouldn't have learned otherwise because I'm interested and I'm also asking for very specific feedback not just skimming over it I'm saying okay so like if you have an approach what's your approach and for those of you who are listening like wasn't that interesting I thought it was interesting right and so the more I get the interesting pieces I'm also able to connect dots and I'm also able to pick up patterns patterns of thought patterns of behavior patterns in terms of the beliefs you have yeah right so so the other thing that I would do with you is if you you know your struggle is to find that person I would also explore tell me about the relationships you've had tell me about the people you've dated tell me about what went right what went wrong and so now I'm getting granular your relationship with M but I I I want to I I'm getting granular why am I getting granular because the more examples you give me the more I'm able to get a bigger picture and it seems backwards right it seems like like I'm getting into the weeds but the weeds allow me to see the big picture
Serhiy yeah yeah I'm really I'm really excited talking to you it feel like we've known each other for some time and that's the feeling that I won't trade for anything you know one of the reasons I love speakers on on the
42:41 How Do You Make People Trust You
Serhiy stage uh is that they my beloved my most beloved speakers they all or podcasters they all give me the feeling that I've known them for years how do you do that any secrets
Kim um I honestly I think I think when you when and you have this yourself you bring your sparkle to the experience right you bring your interest you bring your your I don't know your essence you bring your personality to it and so when I'm on a in a conversation with someone like you it's very very easy for me to just have a good time and what you're noticing is like yeah okay we're on a podcast we're supposed to be talking so that the public hears us but for me I'm just talking to you right and I'm I'm just having a good time right here right now with you and I want to learn more and one of the things that I'm also interested in you said so before you wanted to be a coach and to
43:40 The Most Important Thing for a Coach
Kim me the most important the most important thing about being a coach is actually experiencing incredible coaching
Serhiy wow so it's like you can't become a writer before you read thousands of books same pattern
Kim I don't know about thousands but you know it's hard to be a great writer if you don't know what a great book looks like or sounds like right it's like you can't be a great doctor if you've never seen a great doctor perform surgery right you don't know what it looks like you don't know what it feels like you don't know you know how to go about it so many many people come to me and say well you teach me how to coach and I say to them this first and most important step about becoming a great coach is experiencing great coaching and so for you my question is have you ever experienced phenomenal coaching
Serhiy I don't know I I've haven't experienced great marketing that's what I can say for sure because I wasn't able to Market myself maybe I was a like decent enough coach but I wasn't able to get a lot of clients that's why I closed the this this Venture but it's interesting it's interesting um you got to First spend ton tons of money on Co on great coaches before you become a great coach yourself
Kim you don't have to you don't have to spend tons of money but you have to have a great experience so that you know like how to do it how you know how does it feel to the client and you have that experience for yourself right so all
45:15 How Kim Hires Coaches
Serhiy your coaches uh that work under your brand yeah how did you how did you hire them
Kim so every single one of them was a client so they went through coaching they said wow this is an unbelievable experience how do I learn how to coach so we created a certification process to teach these people specifically our approach our methodology our philosophy for coaching and so they they went through the process it took a a long time it takes about a year and a half for someone to get certified because there are many steps in the process and and uh it it concludes with a three-hour written exam it's it's it's a serious process
Serhiy wow yeah so you can actually formalize because I don't want I don't want to sound like I don't believe the science of coaching I do believe it but for me it's more like an
46:15 Is Coaching an Art or a Science
Serhiy art is it am I am I is am I wrong thinking that kosing more more like an art than a science
Kim I think it's a bit of both people have some people have stronger coaching instincts they're just naturally better but I do believe that um coaching skills need to be backed up with a a system an approach a methodology a philosophy right and so once you have that it becomes easier to have better instincts because then you know what you're looking for but some people are better than others like yes some people are naturally better than others yes absolutely
Serhiy I'm thinking that your coach is are actually naturally inclined to do that that's why they make great coaches because they they're naturally inclined
Kim yes but also they are trained very well rigorous training tell them about the industry as a whole is it still booming because I
47:15 Are People Annoyed by the Coaching Industry
Serhiy was under the impression that people are getting a bit uh annoyed with so many coaches do you get a sense of this
Kim so I'll I'll tell you yes it's still a booming industry and yes people are getting annoyed the reason they're getting annoyed is because many coaches are not successful themselves and they're not very effective to be completely honest so you know there are so many coaches who are not successful this is interesting this is they're not successful right they're not successful as coaches and they're not successful in their personal lives right they're just like struggling and then they want to go coach people and so it it's a problem
Serhiy and I really do believe that a lot maybe that was me maybe that was me actually to be completely Frank that was me you just described me tell me more what are you saying I wasn't successful I didn't have any relationship and I tried to coach some other people but that just a short segue yeah please continue
Kim and what that means is that you really need your your your action is to find an amazing coach and I can help you with that but that's your like you know anyway besides yeah but you were saying that part of the reason is that they're not successful themselves what I'm what I'm saying is that there are a lot of coaches who are trained very poorly and when they finally get to start coaching people they're very very frightened and they have a lot of anxiety and they are not comfortable with their own businesses and they're not comfortable selling coaching they're not comfortable asking for a fair coaching rate they're not comfortable you know challenging a client they're not comfortable asking difficult questions they're just not comfortable they're very very scared and so what happens is they deliver coaching that is subpar and so I believe that the whole industry is in impacted with poor coaches poor coaching so it's not a surprise that it's an industry that's seen in a very poor light
Serhiy I don't even know what phenomenal coaching is to be completely Frank I don't I have a therapist my psychologist who we started working like few months ago and I think he's not going to watch this because he doesn't speak English but I don't know I don't know if he's doing such a great job I even asked him if we can have two sessions per month instead of four and he said no this is I mean that wouldn't be like great great idea he wants it every week but I don't feel like I need him every week so that's the sign that maybe
Kim why do you why do you why are you working with him
Serhiy boy we have a lot to talk about well yeah I don't know we have a lot to talk about we don't have to talk about it here but I'm happy to talk to you about it separately we can talk about it separately okay um Kim
50:30 Last Message from Kim
Serhiy Let's uh wrap this up what would be your last message to ukrainians let's start with ukrainians um and U people who experience struggles in their life
Kim well for ukrainians you're definitely dealing with a great deal of adversity right now that's for sure um life is stressful life is a struggle and the question you you need to ask yourselves is how do I turn this into an advantage somehow how do I build resilience from this experience and on top of that you know I think that journaling is a very very powerful way to examine how you think and how your thinking is impacting you sometimes people ask me like what should I Journal about and so for anybody who's listening um on our website we have journaling prompts that you can use just to get your mind thinking and so you can go to frame ofmind coaching.com and pick those up they're free they don't cost anything but that will get you starting to think about where you are what you want to do in your life what you want to achieve how to get there and how perhaps some of times your thinking is getting in the way of your ability to have the life you want so that that's my message for today
Serhiy great great thank you so much for your time thank you you're looking for for a quality video production provider look no further my name is Sergey and I own Beverly production we are a video production agency from Ukraine you know we help entrepreneurs to create incredible online offline podcasts and clips that drive interest you know to promote your podcast as a podcaster myself I early realized that there are not that many podcasts that put an emphasis on quality and creativity you know just making your videos look really really really cool that's why we mix our videos up with uh different visual aids sound effects flasher transitions we do Dynamic switching and other cool creative things that just set apart your podcast from your competition you can check our samples on the website and uh we also help people to post the videos so we take over YouTube management and we can also run Tik Tok and LinkedIn for you so if you're interested in something of this kind don't hesitate to book a call with me uh the contexts are available on the web